If You Spot, You Got It

Ever meet a man who is so much like you…that you can’t stand him?

That was a little like the beginning of my friendship with Bruce Stucker.

He was the involved Dad at our son’s grade school. He was the soccer commissioner, I was a coach. He was a convener of men’s breakfasts. So was I. His wife was on the school board. So was mine. No wonder I didn’t like him.

I’ve learned a little saying in recovery. “If you spot, you got it.”

Bruce and I were a little too much alike. But nothing is more similar than our desire to win. We were both fiercely competitive and often over the most meaningless things. Finally, I decided it was better to be his friend than to keep losing to this guy in just about everything.

When our alliance was finalized, Bruce became my biggest cheerleader and advocate. And I become his. His table at Wednesday morning Bible study turned into two. In classic Bruce form, he refused to break his group up. He simply pushed two tables together to make a “group” of 16. He would sit snuggly every Wednesday morning and proudly look at me like the cat that had swallowed the Tweetie bird.

He began a Friday morning men’s breakfast group. Of course, it grew. Bruce let me know the count each week. He and his wife Juanita hosted a Christmas tamale party every third Sunday of December. This may have been Bruce’s finest hour of each year, as he would greet each partygoer at the center of the beautifully adorned living room with a hearty handshake and hug, knowing everyone’s name and birthdate. Then, soon after I would arrive, he would call all the guests into the center of the house (anywhere from 60-80), and share about his faith in the Lord Jesus.

You always knew where Bruce stood on the issues of life.

Bruce was also a cancer survivor. He had outlived his prognosis by nine years when he graduated into glory. And I have never known a man who lived a more full life in those 3,000 days than Bruce Stucker did. In fact, I venture to say that he began to live what Jesus calls “the abundant life” after receiving the news of his impending death. No, he didn’t take up golf. Didn’t sell the house and buy a sail boat. He didn’t jump out of airplanes and surf Pipeline on the North Shore. No…something far more scary and frightening than any of those things.

He began meeting with men one on one.

He listened. He shared. He told on himself. He confessed his struggles as a man. His temptations, inadequacies, and shortcomings. The kind that every man has, but never wants to admit. And not at a Starbucks! (One of the funny things about Bruce was his complete ignorance of his volume. Combined with the subject matter at the time, it led to some awkward, if not comical, moments!) When Bruce would be asked if this type of conversation was well-received by men on a first-time meeting, he would drop his favorite phrase as a comeback: “Some will, some won’t, so what?”

In his late sixties, Bruce began getting tattooed. He had both arms sleeved. And like all things Bruce, he had a plan. From one arm to the other, his artwork told his life story. He became the real life version of Steinbeck’s “Illustrated Man.” Many of us would laugh when a newbie asked about his tattoos…”Well let me tell you…” Bruce would begin. And off he went!

Bruce was the first one in. To go see someone in the hospital. Take up an offering. Begin the new thing. Dream about the possibilities. Chase after the man who dropped off the radar. Bruce discovered the power of sobriety and began inviting everyone to Celebrate Recovery at Rolling Hills Covenant on Friday nights. If/when he met with resistance, he would rather forcefully say, “Hey, everyone needs this. I’ll go with you. When should I pick you up?”

As Bruce’s life began to draw to a close, he became even more intentional. He began talking about becoming a “24/7” Christian. He told the new pastor of his church that they needed to start a men’s ministry if he “was serious about discipleship.” The pastor, somewhat astonished by the lean, gray haired guy with sleeves, asked where did these convictions came from. “I became a 24/7 Christian when I was told I had cancer. I am not going to die FROM cancer, but WITH cancer. And until then, I am going to live 24/7 as a Jesus Follower.”

And Bruce had me. Once again, he beat me. He surrendered his concern of others’ opinions of him, picked up his cross, and crossed the finish line first.

But not until his two brothers received Christ in their 70’s. Not until he was able to see his son get married. Not until he was able to go with Darryl on a bike ride across Iowa. Not until he was able to be with his wife Juanita when she lost her mom. Not until everyman that wanted a piece of his time and mind had been to have coffee with him. Then Bruce told Juanita and Wyatt…”I’m ready.”

He crossed the line…and heard the words we all hope to hear some day. “Well done, Bruce. Enter into your rest.”

Bruce Stucker, you are gone but not forgotten.